It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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