i just google imaged poop.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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