I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
