Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
