ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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