Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
