They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
