i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
