3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
