It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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