so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
