Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
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Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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