I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
