Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
