how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
