I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
