i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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