he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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