So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
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doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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