i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
