after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
