If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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