he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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