Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
