Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
