Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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