I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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