Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
