plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
