i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
