You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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