She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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