I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
