my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
