Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
