think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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