Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm sobbing to NWA
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
