Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
