ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
