My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
