If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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