He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
