i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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