not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
