i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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