no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
