You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
