I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
