Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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