First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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