Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
