There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
