If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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