he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
