Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
