There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
