Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
