Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
