He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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