Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
