Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
