I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
wanna go halves on a baby?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
