oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
