yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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