i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
