but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
