'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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